How to have fun in a Hospital

[Mark42]

True story. About a month ago I was in the hospital for some routine maintenance on a permanent injury I sustained years ago. With all the new safety/anti-terrorist procedures in place, I walk in (limp in actually), and promptly fail the standard metal detectors. So I get the wand treatment, and I tell them that there is a bunch of metal in my re-constructed foot/ankle. (btw, I thought the stainless used in internal repairs was non-magnetic, so why its picked up by a metal detector surprises me.) Anyway, I had to be checked, then undressed, then I was given hospital garb to wear. How stylish....

Anywho..... my personal belongings (clothes, shoes, wallet, cell phone, keys, etc) were put in a locker just a few feet from my room. The next morning, I was allowed out of bed, and asked to have someone open my locker to get to my phone. So this huge muscle guy who was easy 6'3" or so wearing jeans and a skin tight t-shirt takes me to my locker and he opens the locker. I get about 20 minutes on the phone in a separate area.

OK, this is where things get crazy.....

The guy opens the locker, and lets me go through my own stuff myself. i take out my phone, and then look him in the eye and say....


"WHERE IS MY GUN???????" ...... "WHERE THE **** IS MY GUN????".....

He pushes me out of the way and looks in my locker and starts flipping cloths around looking for a gun. He says "what kind was it?".... I told him it was a 9-mm Glock...... And he says "Yeah..... I know what those look like...." and continues to rifle through my stuff. At this point I am wondering how long I can keep a straight face.... I am ready to bust a gut watching this guy look for a gun in my locker like it was a pack of chewing gum.

So classic Neanderthal man says he has to go to the front desk and make a report of a missing fire arm. Can you believe it????

So I tell him "Oh I just remembered my sister took it home with here because we were not sure I would be allowed to have it here"....

He believes it. And closes up the locker. I now have my prized Droid 3 phone, and can watch TV, surf the net and do may other things from the comfort of my hospital bed while my foot recuperates, and they never took it away.

BTW, yes, my foot is fine, they do not want to cut it off (yet).

Regards,

Mark

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: How to have fun in a Hospital

Good one Mark

 

[Mark42]

Re: How to have fun in a Hospital

yeah, but to tell the truth, I would rather not have to deal with the foot issue. They did end up shooting the joints up with something in a big LONG needle. Cortizone? I don't think so. It was something else (maybe silicone? LOL!) and it did help a lot. There is no restoring the nice natural ends of bones. Especially after they were broken, and then weeks later screwed back together. I did find out that the bone breaks I have keep growing just like the scars in my skin keep growing.

I have Keloid scar syndrome. Thats where a scar does not stop growing. Unfortunatelly, with my crushed and rebuilt foot, the bone keeps growing. Now the entire front of my foot just behind the toes and right up to the ancle bones have bridged and have grown into a solid block. No more "twist your foot when it itches or is hot and burning." My foot is more like a wooden shoe form. And it's painful to walk on.

Life is short. Bone repairs are shorter.

Enjoy what you can while you can. Love the ones you love, and let them know it.

Regards,

Mark.

 

[LippCJ7]

Re: How to have fun in a Hospital

Mark, Someday I want to party with you!!!!!

You have way bigger stones then I do!!

And I have the deadliest job in America!! I climb Communications towers!!

 

[Mark42]

Re: How to have fun in a Hospital

Wow! and Yes, you do keep us all in touch. Party on dude!

 

[sschefer]

Re: How to have fun in a Hospital

Mark, I definitely understand the foot pain I have 27 pins of assorted sizes and types in my right foot and a scar that runs just shy of my big toe all the way across the bottom and up the back of my heel. No Reevets yet. That was a bad day. For 40 years I've been in a constant battle over gum disease. It seems that nothing any dentist did helped and it wasn't for me not trying either. Finally we decided I was at the age (58) where there was just no sense continuing the torture of deep scrapings,etc. So, last Wednesday i had 18 teeth pulled and got dentures. Anybody that tells you that's fun needs a moment on the discharge end of my S&W .500 Mag. I've never liked drugs of any kind so I never picked up the prescription for OxyContin that the surgeon prescribed and I don't drink alcohol of any kind either. It's been a really rough couple of days but still I could never imagine the pain you must go through on a regular basis. Thanks for sharing your experience, it makes mine seem trivial and believe it or not, helps.

 

[NYBo]

Re: How to have fun in a Hospital

Mark, you played with fire with this one. Do the words "cavity search" mean nothing to you?!?

 

[Fed]

Re: How to have fun in a Hospital

I was thinking the same thing NYBo, I once walked into the bank, no other customers and the tellers all had their heads down, I said 'Stick 'em up', I'll never do that again.
They all knew me so there were no repercussions but I can tell you they were NOT HAPPY.