SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
This is a really bad Christmas. 
<br /><br />'Twas the nlght before Chrlstmas and all through the<br />house<br />Not a creature was stirring, except me and my spouse<br /><br />The stockings were empty, no presents were wrapped<br />We were way behind schedule and our resources tapped<br /><br />The children were nestled all snug in the beds,<br />While the horrors of assembling danced in our heads<br /><br />Dad armed with a screwdriver, ready and poised<br />To build a red trike for one of our boys.<br /><br />When off in the hall there arose a strange noise<br />We dove over boxes to hide all the toys<br /><br />The thud, it turned out, was our dumb puppy Paul<br />Who was chasing the cat and ran into the wall<br /><br />Back to his task, Dad cursed at his mess<br />I suspect he was lost, but he'd never confess<br /><br />He wrestled with parts and fumbled with tools<br />Emailed the manufacturer and called them all fools<br /><br />After hours of struggle, the bike finally took shape,<br />With a few cuts and bruises and the aid of duct tape<br /><br />He stood back and gaped at the bike he just built<br />It weaved and it wobbled and rolled with a tilt<br /><br />His frustration grew; his voice shook as he spoke<br />"The directions are Greek, it's all a sick joke"<br /><br />At this point he snapped, his thinking unclear<br />He'll do something stupid; this was my big fear.<br /><br />He grabbed each toy's instructions, oh why won't he<br />learn,<br />tossed them into the fire, chanting "burn baby burn"<br /><br />"Burn Disney, burn Huffy, to blazes with you<br />Burn Fisher Price, Playskool and Hasbro, too"<br /><br />As smoke filled the room, this was his first clue<br />That in a moment of haste, he had neglected the flue<br /><br />To the top of the mantle, to the top of the wall<br />A black cloud developed and ash settled on all<br /><br />Soot landed on stockings and covered the tree<br />And gave a look of charcoal to all we could see<br /><br />The firemen came, dressed in yellow, like sun<br />Seems the neighbors saw smoke and dialed 9-1-1<br /><br />Out came the axe, out came the hoses<br />Out came a Dalmatian who trampled my roses.<br /><br />"There's no trouble here," I swore up and down<br />Realizing this faux pas would soon be 'round town<br /><br />"My husband's a good man," I tried to explain<br />"The instructions weren't clear. It drove him insane"<br /><br />The fire chief nodded and gathered his crew<br />Hopped onto their truck and away they all flew<br /><br />But I heard them converse as they drove out of sight<br />"Her husband's the third jerk who's done that<br />tonight!"
<br /><br />'Twas the nlght before Chrlstmas and all through the<br />house<br />Not a creature was stirring, except me and my spouse<br /><br />The stockings were empty, no presents were wrapped<br />We were way behind schedule and our resources tapped<br /><br />The children were nestled all snug in the beds,<br />While the horrors of assembling danced in our heads<br /><br />Dad armed with a screwdriver, ready and poised<br />To build a red trike for one of our boys.<br /><br />When off in the hall there arose a strange noise<br />We dove over boxes to hide all the toys<br /><br />The thud, it turned out, was our dumb puppy Paul<br />Who was chasing the cat and ran into the wall<br /><br />Back to his task, Dad cursed at his mess<br />I suspect he was lost, but he'd never confess<br /><br />He wrestled with parts and fumbled with tools<br />Emailed the manufacturer and called them all fools<br /><br />After hours of struggle, the bike finally took shape,<br />With a few cuts and bruises and the aid of duct tape<br /><br />He stood back and gaped at the bike he just built<br />It weaved and it wobbled and rolled with a tilt<br /><br />His frustration grew; his voice shook as he spoke<br />"The directions are Greek, it's all a sick joke"<br /><br />At this point he snapped, his thinking unclear<br />He'll do something stupid; this was my big fear.<br /><br />He grabbed each toy's instructions, oh why won't he<br />learn,<br />tossed them into the fire, chanting "burn baby burn"<br /><br />"Burn Disney, burn Huffy, to blazes with you<br />Burn Fisher Price, Playskool and Hasbro, too"<br /><br />As smoke filled the room, this was his first clue<br />That in a moment of haste, he had neglected the flue<br /><br />To the top of the mantle, to the top of the wall<br />A black cloud developed and ash settled on all<br /><br />Soot landed on stockings and covered the tree<br />And gave a look of charcoal to all we could see<br /><br />The firemen came, dressed in yellow, like sun<br />Seems the neighbors saw smoke and dialed 9-1-1<br /><br />Out came the axe, out came the hoses<br />Out came a Dalmatian who trampled my roses.<br /><br />"There's no trouble here," I swore up and down<br />Realizing this faux pas would soon be 'round town<br /><br />"My husband's a good man," I tried to explain<br />"The instructions weren't clear. It drove him insane"<br /><br />The fire chief nodded and gathered his crew<br />Hopped onto their truck and away they all flew<br /><br />But I heard them converse as they drove out of sight<br />"Her husband's the third jerk who's done that<br />tonight!"