Dave Abrahamson
Lieutenant
- Joined
- May 8, 2003
- Messages
- 1,497
I'm thinking #2, #5, #7 and #8<br /><br /><br />1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.<br /><br />2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.<br /><br />3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.<br /><br />4. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?<br /><br />5. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"<br /><br />6. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!<br /><br />7. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."<br /><br />8. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference. <br /><br />9. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? <br /><br />10. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? <br /><br />11. Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever. <br /><br />12. Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building? <br /><br />13. Bumper sticker of the year: "If you can read this, thank a teacher....and since it's in English, thank a soldier."
