Weddings Costs

So a couple months ago I spent boat money on a ring and got engaged. I had no problem buying the ring, but I started to feel disgust when we started realizing how much these venues want you to spend. We then started to talk about maybe doing a destination wedding as it is cheaper, then her parents mentioned that they would want to pay for the wedding. Her folks want a big wedding since they have a total of 13 siblings between both of them.

I guess what is getting my goat is how much these places are talking about $60+/person. Then they add all those "charges" on top of it. It is disgusting! I am bringing a place a lot business, they should be giving me a great deal, not trying to rip people off. I am wondering if we should negotiate with them w/o having any issues of walking.

On the other hand I do have a bunch of nice tables in my garage and my g/f won a free tent rental at a bridal show. Just need some chairs.

While I don't mind her parents footing the bill, I don't want them to get ripped off. I am honestly surprised at the venues they are looking at they are normally very frugal.

Re: Weddings Costs

Congrats man on the engagement! What kind of venue are you looking at? For the reception or actual wedding? I also just got engaged and we are renting a large church (seats over 1000) and the dutch reception hall for $600 total, including custodial staff for clean up. We are catering the meal, but even that is under $10/ person. Nothing outlandishly fancy, but nice.

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Congrats on the engagement . . . the money stuff only gets worse from here :facepalm:

You should be able to have a nice wedding for around $30K. Post some pictures!!!

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I would say shop around.. There are places thst want to do the soup to nuts treatment and that will cost you. You can also go ala carte, where you are "general Contractor", meaning you arrange for the pieces, rent the room and tables, arrange for your caterer, etc..

When I got married, we were able to arrange to hire the facilities bartenders, but bring our own liquor. We arranged with a liquor store for them to only charge us for the open bottles. It wa then just giving the bartenders instructions on managing the bottles. This was a huge, and I mean huge savings. When others were having just beer, we had a full open bar for the evening.

It ain't cheap, but once you get past that you can minimize the damage with a little footwork.

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Definitely negotiate.

Stay away from "wedding planners" if you value your money.

Nephew's dinner started out at $50 a plate through the "event planner".

He dumper her, and between himself, and his father-in-law, they negotiated down to $34 a plate, with a very few modifications to the wine list and side dishes.

Most important, get it the way you want it, especially if it costs less.

If you don't want or need something, don't let someone else talk you into it. examples: ice sculptures, champagne fountains, elaborate decorations, silly party favors, or elaborate table settings and flower arrangements..

You can also save a bundle on cakes either by finding a small shop to make it, or by using a fake cake.
(small edible cake for you 2, on a fake foundation, sheet cake for the guests)

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Let the In-Laws have their way, or at least think they are, hostage. They want what's best for their daughter (she does have you). I personally wouldn't get in their way. It is very nice of you to think about them and their finances.


Here's hoping for many years of happiness!

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Wedding costs can be ridiculous! That said, if you are creative you can do a nice wedding cheap. My daughter had about 4k in her wedding ... We found a $1000 dress on sale for $150 and it was beautiful. Pig roast for the reception. All went well and smoothly and she saved the remainder of the wedding $ I gave her for the honeymoon and to put towards the house down payment (still saving for that).

So be creative and negotiate. Oh, and there were about 200 guests.

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My wedding cost 50 bucks in 1980, and lasted 12, years! :facepalm: She will always be my wife at heart though!

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Daughter's first wedding set us back about $30k. It lasted 5 years. Her second was on her, with the same number of guests and cost half that. Amazing what can be done when your paying for it yourself.
First thing to do is have a talk with the future in-laws,and let them know you are uncomfortable with the budget. If that's what they want to spend and are comfortable with it, then let it be. It's their daughter, their money,and their dream for this type of wedding. If they too have concerns, let them know you are willing to work with them to keep the costs in line.
Local halls, such as Knights of Columbus, Elks Lodge, Rotary Club, Optimists Club,etc. rent their hall and often supply the bar service. This is a revenue generator for their organization. Tables and chairs can be rented if needed and caterers can be hired.

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I'm a big believer in marriage....I love my wife. This is the first (and only) marriage that either one of us will probably have.
As for weddings....ours cost us about $6-7k, which was ok at the time.
Today, in Canada the average cost of a wedding is now at $23,000....this is a massive waste of money for everyone involved in my opinion.
The meaning of the day has become completely lost in the 'make way for the (pseudo) princess' angle. The new fashion event of the season routine (95% for the bride) has sadly made the whole 'vows' part....a bit of 5 minute end detail. More time is spent on selecting chicken or fish and the colour of the dress and shoes, than anything related to spending time on the importance of the commitment.
I've never met a couple that would ever repeat this financial mistake....yet it goes on for some reason.
I joked with my friends (men and women) that weddings would be substantially better events IF the men (and only the men) organized them.
They would be a little 'rough' around the edges but luckily the 'hollywood/red carpet' angle would disappear.
A lot of people that attend never have more that 1-2 minutes with the bride and groom...which is a bit of a disgrace, given the whole point of sharing the day and festivities with meaningful friends and family.
I've also heard some stuff about having possible 'stand-in' grooms and groomsmen in some of the pictures if the 'official' ones are not that 'photogenic'.
Anywhoooo, keep to the point of the day....make sure you are each others best friend and I wish you the very best of luck. If you hit the jackpot the way I feel I did....you will have no regrets to the marriage.....the wedding day, well thats a different story.:facepalm:
I don't mean to sound too harsh here.....but I wish the cost regrets that are almost all I've heard about....were a distant rumour rather than a predominant post wedding reality. This money would be so better spent on other meaningful things in life for the couple and their family and friends with everyone feeling a lot better about how they spent and shared the day.
All Good
BP

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Rent a hall, make a big pan of manwich, buns from bread store, chips, dip, and various finger foods, would cost maybe 5 bills + hall. Many churchs have rental halls but a no booze rule. Take the savings to buy a house.

Re: Weddings Costs

aspeck said:

Wedding costs can be ridiculous! That said, if you are creative you can do a nice wedding cheap. My daughter had about 4k in her wedding ... We found a $1000 dress on sale for $150 and it was beautiful. Pig roast for the reception. All went well and smoothly and she saved the remainder of the wedding $ I gave her for the honeymoon and to put towards the house down payment (still saving for that).

So be creative and negotiate. Oh, and there were about 200 guests.

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YUP, What Art said!!
we were both in our mid 30's and neither married before, got the JP to do the wedding on the front lawn, pig roast/kegger (helps when bros bud was a beer rep)
Horse shoes, lawn darts and dj for the dancing in the shop.
140 people, shut the doors on the shop at 0400 after the last person went home.
And the next day our honeymoon = clean up aftermath and do a "DUMP" run.
Budget $5000, did it for way under four G.

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I couldn't agree more. Your commitment to each other is more important than trying to impress anyone. If they are friends, they will wish you well if they get manwich or a steak. If they aren't friends, who cares. Take the savings and buy a house you can afford on one persons paycheck. Love and cherish each other to death.

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Outstanding...How did you get them to pay for it.

I paid for all my weddings, and I can sympathize with you in the cost. My last wedding was in late spring we had a big tent put up and we got a guy with a mobile grill and made it a pig roast. I know, I'm slightly unorthodox about somethings but after a couple times you don't want to be sitting around in a tux all night. I honestly think more people came for the pig roast and beer than to see me get married again.

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I got married in 1997 when I was barely in my 20's and still in college and my wife wasn't quite 21 to even legally drink. We had a full-on wedding with all the details, photography, full sit down dinner, reception at a high end hotel, etc but I paid for every single cent out of my pocket with zero help from a single person (the story of my life). To mitigate the fact that the costs were high, we got married in January on what turned out to be the coldest day of the year. Point being, everybody was willing to negotiate for substantial discounts. It was so cold that most cars of the wedding party people wouldn't start the next day and in MN that takes a lot for a cold weather equipped car to not start. I don't know how things work these days since I know costs have gone up a lot in 15 years. I did spend a decent chunk of change and still remember in 1996 the ring cost $3007 probably a fraction of how much they cost today.

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Thanks for all the feedback so far.

I wonder how booked these Venues get. We are also looking at having our Wedding on Memorial Day Weekend (Sunday).

Well when it comes to her parents, this seems like something they really want to do. They didn't have all that much money when they got married. The funny thing is they are willing to pay for this, though she had to pay for her college. Guess I would rather have them pay off her college loans and we pay for a wedding. Though I guess I can't think like that.

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They get booked QUICK. I got engaged in October (many years ago) and I thought my wife was crazy when she and her mom started looking at venues immediately even though we weren't planning on getting married until May of the next NEXT year. However, when she told me they already had some bookings for then, I understood.

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if you're not comfortable blowing the money and neither of you want the hoopla, i'd let them know.

my wife and I didn't want to throw the huge party. makes no sense. we had small wedding with truly friends and family...no business acquaintences, etc. small church and reception at my in-laws house. we had it catered. it was great and not very expensive.

i think you should let them know how you feel. it's your wedding. do you need $ for a down pymt on a house? much better use of hard-earned money.

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It is your wedding, do what you want.

My wife and I used a JP, Dinner w/ 16 people after. The next day we rented a hall had nice party w/ about 60 people. Catered it and everything was reasonable. Everyone had a great time. Left on the honeymoon that night. We spent more on the honeymoon than on the wedding. It was a second marriage for both of us, and we paid the bills.

Last stat I saw on the average cost of a wedding was $23,000. I would rather put that money towards a house. If you already have a house you can put it towards a boat.

Re: Weddings Costs

tpenfield said:

Congrats on the engagement . . . the money stuff only gets worse from here :facepalm:

You should be able to have a nice wedding for around $30K. Post some pictures!!!

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That is totally obscene, not to mention a total waste of money. My casual observation is that the amount of money blown on a wedding is inversely proportional to the length of the marriage.

IMHO, if the kids think they need that kind of wedding, let them pay for it themselves. If they can't afford it they should wait till they grow up a bit.

If you really can afford it, have a $5k wedding and give the lovely couple $25k as a down payment for a house.

Our son got married 2 years ago - we gave them $10k cash. They just moved into their newly built home a few months ago.

Our friends paid cash in advance for a lavish destination wedding for their son 2 years ago, including all of the relatives. The bride changed her mind a month ahead, leaving them all stuck with a bunch of airline tickets. So, they took a vacation....LOL.