SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
These came from the annual "Dark and Stormy Night" competition. Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays: <br /><br />1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. <br /><br />2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like u-nderpants in a dryer without Cling Free. <br /><br />3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. <br /><br />4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. <br /><br />5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. <br /><br />6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. <br /><br />7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. <br /><br />8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM. <br /><br />9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. <br /><br />10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. <br /><br />11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. <br /><br />12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. <br /><br />13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. <br /><br />14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. <br /><br />15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. <br /><br />16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. <br /><br />17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. <br /><br />18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. <br /><br />19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. <br /><br />20.. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. <br /><br />21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. <br /><br />22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. <br /><br />23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. <br /><br />24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. <br /><br />25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. <br /><br />26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser. <br /><br />27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
