What is fair?

Tyme2fish · Apr 19, 2008

This past June my mother passed away. My sister and I then settled her estate with no will per the laws of the Commonwealth of Virginia.

My mother bought her house from HER deceased mother's estate. I co-signed that loan and assumed the payments as mother had no monies. That was in 1979.

I made all the payments and paid the loan off early in about 1989.

When my mother's house was sold after her death my sister was given a check for half the value the house via the realtor. My sister paid no money on the original loan for the property.

Should she keep the money that I invested in that property over 25 years ago?

There is nothing in writing stating that I paid for the house except my cancelled checks from 1979 till paid off date and my co-signing the loan

My sister has stated,Why don't you have a deed from Mom? My only response was "The same reason Mom never wrote a will."

I feel that the full value of the real estate should be mine since I paid for the property.

I know that my sister will never give me any money from the property sale and I will never pursue this matter in court but what do others think is fair in this instance??

What is legal and what is fair is two different things.

Neither one of us "needs" the money. We will both live without the funds.

I just feel I 've been cheated and now my sister and I no longer converse with one another.

Kenneth Brown · Apr 19, 2008

Re: What is fair?

Tough cookie there Robert. Let it go is my thought. Both of my dads parents have passed in the last few years. It has amounted to nothing more than a giant pissing match between all of them. Hardly any of them speak to each other anymore because of it. Know that you did the right thing in your heart and forgive your sister for not knowing what you did.

OR........

Sue her for the money with interest.

If your not interested in court then let it go, all of it, and re-establish your relationship with her.

Tyme2fish · Apr 19, 2008

Re: What is fair?

If your not interested in court then let it go, all of it, and re-establish your relationship with her.

I'm not interested in court, but I'm not about to contact my sister and say "Thank you for screwing me out of $37,500.00"

She has used and abused me on many other things also. Letting go to me means my sister is as buried as my mother.I know that is a harsh statement but she has no love for me regardless how much I defer to her. When I lost my mother,I also lost my only surviving sibling.

Limited-Time · Apr 19, 2008

Re: What is fair?

T2f,
Near as I can tell, you have 2 issues going on here. Issue 1 what you did FOR YOUR MOTHER. I.E. insure her a her home and a place to live. The other is your relationship with your sister, which as you stated was strained before your mother passed at best.

If your paying for your mothers house was to be an investment on your part, the correct documentation and paper work should have been filed by you or your lawyer.

Your relationship with your sister is another issue, one that seems to have been questionable at best before your mother passed.

SgtMaj · Apr 19, 2008

Re: What is fair?

Is it fair? Hell no.
Could you pursue the matter legally? Probably.
Would I pursue it if I were you? Probably not.
Would I "get over it" and try to re-establish a relationship with her? No.
Would I ever even so much as speak to her again? No.

The only reason I would change my mind, was if your sister had paid for all the funeral expenses herself.

Tyme2fish · Apr 19, 2008

Re: What is fair?

Limited-Time said:
T2f,
Near as I can tell, you have 2 issues going on here. Issue 1 what you did FOR YOUR MOTHER. I.E. insure her a her home and a place to live. The other is your relationship with your sister, which as you stated was strained before your mother passed at best.

If your paying for your mothers house was to be an investment on your part, the correct documentation and paper work should have been filed by you or your lawyer.

Your relationship with your sister is another issue, one that seems to have been strained at best before your mother passed.

You've got it covered in a nutshell. I just wanted to provide my mother with "her" house. She would always tell all other's. "This is my house." Nothing was in my name,but Mom was happy. So now sis gets half. Oh well. Who said life was fair.

Tyme2fish · Apr 19, 2008

Re: What is fair?

The only reason I would change my mind, was if your sister had paid for all the funeral expenses herself.
__________________

Mom had enough in her bank to cover expenses. However,those accounts were frozen upon her death. Who took a checkbook with them when mom was dieing? Me. I paid for all expenses and then waited 90 days to be reimbursed and no interest to me for over $10,000.00 in burial expenses. My sister had all this planned way before me.

rolmops · Apr 19, 2008

Re: What is fair?

If your signature was on the mortgage/bank loan your legal right to the house is not in dispute.One visit to a lawyer will suffice.He will send your sister a letter and it is up to her to fight it in court.If she chooses not to, the problem is solved

Tyme2fish · Apr 19, 2008

Re: What is fair?

rolmops said:
If your signature was on the mortgage/bank loan your legal right to the house is not in dispute.One visit to a lawyer will suffice.He will send your sister a letter and it is up to her to fight it in court.If she chooses not to, the problem is solved

I will not take my sister to court. I just want HER to understand what is right and fair.

Limited-Time · Apr 19, 2008

Re: What is fair?

That;s a sheety situation made even worst. It may not do much to make you feel better T2f, but remember you can pick your friends but your not your family. It has to be a sad, frustrating, and horribly painful thing having been treated that way by your sister.

642mx · Apr 19, 2008

Re: What is fair?

Tyme2fish said:
I just want HER to understand what is right and fair.

I bet she knows right from wrong, it just doesn't sound like she cares..... Whats ironic is, I have a sister that would do the exact same thing and she wouldn't lose a minutes worth of sleep over it.

SgtMaj · Apr 19, 2008

Re: What is fair?

642mx said:
I bet she knows right from wrong, it just doesn't sound like she cares.....

I'll second that.

SS MAYFLOAT · Apr 19, 2008

Re: What is fair?

I doubt if you can get your sister to see what is fair. My mom passed 11 years ago this May. There 3 other siblings and there was a will. Youngest sister got pretty much everything. The 2 oldest swears up and down there were hundreds of thousands of dollars. Which there wasn't. There was, but my grandmother lived to 100 and the last 25 years of her health care took all of it. The 2 oldest even spent their own money to fight it,,,,,they lost.

I contacted the oldest sister (63) after 10 years of not speaking,,,,,,,,she still has so much hatred about what happened. She pretty much doesn't want a relationship with any of us siblings. My brother (61) lives here in town,,,we speak maybe 2 times a year. The youngest sister (58) calls once in awhile, but we are not close. One would think that at our ages that we would forgive each other. I have made mine to them, but it sure seems as though they don't care.

Usually after the death of a parent, sibling rivalry kicks in full gear without any chance of recovery. Good Luck on your situation.........SS

JB · Apr 20, 2008

Re: What is fair?

Seems to me that you and your Mom created this with lack of foresight, T2F.

First, your name should have been on the deed to the house if you paid for it.

Second, your Mom should have left a will that specified that the house is yours.

Result: Your Sis inherits half the house. If she chooses to honor what should have been, but wasn't done, that would seem fair to me having heard only your side.

Have you discussed this with her? What is her response to your reasoning?

Haut Medoc · Apr 20, 2008

Re: What is fair?

Take her to court.....
It sounds like this relationship is broken beyond repair.....
You should fight for what is rightfully yours & spend it on your kids education or something.....

bjcsc · Apr 20, 2008

Re: What is fair?

What's done is done. When you helped your mother finance the house, what were your goals - helping your Mom out or buying an investment property? Based on how you described the transaction and whose name was on everything it seems to be the former. Your goal was accomplished. I say let it go and work on your relationship with your sister. I wouldn't sacrifice my relationship with my sister for a million dollars. If my parents passed away and left everything to my sister and nothing to me I couldn't care less. It wouldn't affect my relationship with her in the least. You even stated that neither one of you needs the money. Think about what's really important in life (hint: it's not money)...

mscher · Apr 20, 2008

Re: What is fair?

Tyme2fish said:
You've got it covered in a nutshell. I just wanted to provide my mother with "her" house. She would always tell all other's. "This is my house." Nothing was in my name,but Mom was happy. So now sis gets half. Oh well. Who said life was fair.

IMO, your reward for this noble deed, will be worth much more than 1/2 of a house.

I guess you could be thankful your sister didn't talk your mom into willing everything to her.

Family greed is unbelievable, but oh, so common.

Kenneth Brown · Apr 20, 2008

Re: What is fair?

bjcsc said:
What's done is done. When you helped your mother finance the house, what were your goals - helping your Mom out or buying an investment property? Based on how you described the transaction and whose name was on everything it seems to be the former. Your goal was accomplished. I say let it go and work on your relationship with your sister. I wouldn't sacrifice my relationship with my sister for a million dollars. If my parents passed away and left everything to my sister and nothing to me I couldn't care less. It wouldn't affect my relationship with her in the least. You even stated that neither one of you needs the money. Think about what's really important in life (hint: it's not money)...

Read his hint Robert. If the money means something to you then pursue it, if not let it go and regain your sister. Dollars can be replaced, family cannot. My family is the most important thing in the world to me. I'd walk away from everything for them.

Bob_VT · Apr 20, 2008

Re: What is fair?

There is no clear answer.

Hindsight is always 20-20 but we never use it.

No it's not fair.

Is it worth the fight for the principal..... probably not. You do not need the aggrevation.

v1_0 · Apr 20, 2008

Re: What is fair?

Tyme2fish said:
I feel that the full value of the real estate should be mine since I paid for the property.

Have you considered what your mother's intentions on this were?

Tyme2fish said:
Neither one of us "needs" the money. We will both live without the funds.

I just feel I 've been cheated and now my sister and I no longer converse with one another

You are perhaps blaming your sister for something that your mother did. Deliberately (if she knew how dividing estates worked), or by negligence if she didn't. Or maybe she was overly hopeful.

At any rate, did you end up negative on the deal? (ie: did you get less then your payments + some reasonable interest?)

-V

What is fair?

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