Kids and the age 11? Attitude? Geez....

[ezbtr]

So i work my butt off, lotsa hours on huge projects, do well, pay off bills, the boy has a room i would have never left at his age(tv, cable, internet monitored by me), i get him to all his baseball practices, games,(even when i dont have him) dinners(was BEAT tonight after work), then get him to batting cages with team, AND a team dinner i didnt want to go to(really, I'm beat) but we did have a blast with all, get home and chill. I tell him we both watch something we want on the big TV, "fine. I'll go to my room", we looking to buy a house or townhouse(I dont want the big back and front yards to maintain - yet still have a poll and jacuzzi to go to), he "wants" that, i say I'm the only one I know financing all(in nice words) and i want to live in one and get a cheaper condo to rent out for income. He's a great kid, but geez i make some way positive comments about his batting tonight at cages and he tells me it embarrassed him and sounded dorky??? He seems to have been in this stage here for a few weeks. I dont ever embarrass him at all.
I'm a fairly tough dad, he does his chores(whined about taking out trash last pm - "I've had a tough day", but he didnt expand on it like I asked him and I said "the trash aint gettin any emptier", and it's his job when he's here (50% approx.)
Hell I buy him 90% of his clothes and shoes, and his mom doesnt even know his shoe size and I pay CS., etc
My thoughts are:
He's gettin in the too cool stage? Preteen ism? Hes got a little girlfriend at school....
I'm not "cool" anymore? I dont treat him like a little kid at all.
He does love me obviosuly and says it when here and gives me hugs which is great....
Something I think is goin on in his head.....??
He's close to his mom which is great. We dont argue, no drama(well ok a few times a year she tries to con me but Im great at saying no).
Pre adolescence?
I'm not gonna get mad at him, just kinda miss the closer times, like when he liked to go fishing/shooting with me more, ....
Course we still tight, but not as tight as we used to be. I raised two grown daughters, and his step brothers for 7 yrs, so Im used to kids...
hmmmmmm

 

[JB]

Re: Kids and the age 11? Attitude? Geez....

Sounds pretty normal for para-pubescent, spoiled, only kid in the house.

You do embarrass him. One of the first signs of this phase is that his parent(s) are humiliatingly uncool. Give him about 10 more years and you will be restored to coolness.

 

[ezbtr]

Re: Kids and the age 11? Attitude? Geez....

he's not spoiled here - I mean sure I make sure he can play all sports, has clothes, make lunches, dinner. But he helps A LOT. Even gets homework done early at after school pgm(my idea - if it;s due Weds, you finish it Monday and let me check it out).
And i do know with him being in majors this year in baseball, the strategy is way above me and a few of my buddies/dads, and we have some wonderfully talented coaches tht we now just help out when we can(pitch count, scoreboard, snack shack) and it's actuall great for us dads (and moms) to actually after all these years kinda relax and assist and WATCH as opposed to coaching and asst coaching, I still help the boys when Im asked, to warm up, drag field, etc
We all had a great talk about that at our team pizza dinner tonight.
But i also know, HE knows, Im the one that takes him to all doctor, dentist apptmts, and work from home days when he is rarely sick...... And i know what his shoe, pants and shirt size are
Guess my boy is growing up..

 

[ezbtr]

Re: Kids and the age 11? Attitude? Geez....

Thank God one of my best buds and old schooler from Miss. and his son are again on our team...we can vent!!!!! LOL

 

[waterinthefuel]

Re: Kids and the age 11? Attitude? Geez....

I was 11 not that long ago and I will say that's normal. Just growing up. If you open your mouth he'd say you're embarrassing him.

Very normal. Out of everything you mentioned, I'd be most worried about that little girl at school!

 

[LadyFish]

Re: Kids and the age 11? Attitude? Geez....

This is the age of a child's second "independence." The first being at age 4 where they don't want you to help them do things anymore i.e. "I can do it myself." The second round of it happens exactly at this age where they want even more independence. It's also a time of extreme confusion for them.

Their bodys are changing, their hormones start raging and they just went from thinking girls are knarly, to attraction. They eat more, sleep more, don't like to be told what to do, disrepect you, mouth off, etc. It doesn't matter that you have given them everything you possibly can. They push the limits during this time, its part of the transition into young adulthood.

You just went from being the coolest dad on the planet to be the stupidist man on earth in his eyes.

It's all normal just a very tough time for parents. Try to be patient and hate the behavior, not the kid. He really can't help it.

 

[kend301]

Re: Kids and the age 11? Attitude? Geez....

What timing for this thread to pop up , My daughter just turned 12 and I am getting all the same stuff out of "daddy's little angel" . They do seem to push the limits and I hate it, don't think I have counted to ten this much in all my life. Just the other day she broke her new cell phone screen so I activated one of my old ones , not a smart phone and found out last night she was complaining to her friends about the quality of the replacement phone . Very tough time for a parent but am glad to see this is very normal behavior for this age , I was beginning to wonder if it was her mom and I being 6 hrs apart and the back and forth stuff a few times a year was effecting her .

 

[tashasdaddy]

Re: Kids and the age 11? Attitude? Geez....

agree 100%, you have had the easy years. now to get thru the next 11.

 

[angus63]

Re: Kids and the age 11? Attitude? Geez....

I have a 14 yr old daughter and a 12.5 yr old son.

Help me....Please!!!!

These ages are a tough period to figure out and react appropriately.

Best advice I've found is to treat them like a fine cut of meat. Marinate them with Love for a few years and tenderize occasionally when needed, and eventually you'll have a sweet result to enjoy.

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: Kids and the age 11? Attitude? Geez....

We have 5 children. 3 boys and 2 girls.
Boys difficult age is from around 11 to 17
Girls from 12/13 to 19
Boys I found are much easier to deal with than the girls though.
During those ages you will find that they think you have absolutely no idea about life and what makes the world go around, what is right, what is wrong, how to resolve problems and communicate and the list goes on.
The good news is that you will all get through it. Beg to differ rather than forcing your correct opinion whenever possible. In time your view on the subject will be proved correct and will stare them in the face. When this happens do not gloat over it but simply say nothing as there is nothing to prove anymore and it will stare them in the face. They will know you were correct and by simply not rubbing it in they will learn from it a lot quicker.
Be there for them when they need you, and believe me they will.
I was an avid soccer player, coach and referee and coached our children in the early years. 2 of our children continued with soccer right through to the end of high school but I stopped coaching them before they were teenagers. Drop them off for practice and go do a little shopping or something then arrive 5 to 10 minutes before practice ends to pick them up. At the games go and watch and support but keep a distance from the team bench till it is over. Be positive and supportive on the ride home but do not overdo it. After the game they are ready to move on to the next thing rather than be preached a play by play breakdown.
There will be an infinite number of other situations that will crop up and how you react will be vital.
We had a terrible time with our youngest daughter. She is now 23 and getting married in Jamaica 4 weeks today. Once she hit 19 years old it was like night and day. We have never been closer and I am now looked upon as the one who will always have the correct answer. When we are out and about we will often see families with the teenage children having their "moments" she will often ask me "was I like that". When I tell her she was actually much worse she tells me she is surprised that we did not throw her out and disown her and she must have been a b****
Don't worry you will get through it. It's great at the other end of this stage.
Ours are now 22 to 29 years old.

 

[puddle jumper]

Re: Kids and the age 11? Attitude? Geez....

You have spoiled you son. You have given him every thing he could possibly want and sounds like he has never had to go with out. I do the same thing with my 13 year old. Some times you have to step back and let them take control of there lives and do things for them selves for them to see what they have.

Like I say up to about 11 they love you after that they love your wallet.

 

[ezbtr]

Re: Kids and the age 11? Attitude? Geez....

Yeah Im thinking a pre teen stage, my older girls (20 and 23) went thru it a bit. Guess I forgot how it is ,LOL.
No, my son really isnt spoiled and does remember when I was working refinery construction, and he would be up at 0600 for me to drop him at early a.m. child care and we were on a SHOE STRING budget. Sure he has a cool room, but I always have him do his chores and stuff, home work etc.
And I'm just going to jump on his stuff when he complains

 

[Summer Fun]

Re: Kids and the age 11? Attitude? Geez....

Put him in his place NOW !! or you'll regret it later.
Parents today let the KIDS run their house.

 

[paulspaddle]

Re: Kids and the age 11? Attitude? Geez....

My son is 3 and I'm sure we aren't going to have any of those problems you guys describe.

 

[rogerwa]

Re: Kids and the age 11? Attitude? Geez....

I think Kenny hit the nail.. When my daughter hit 12 we thought about an exorcism. But wait.. It got better (read worse). She is now 17 and I believe we have learned to coexist in some way.

It is not unusual to have the following exchange.. " I hate you, you suck, I hate you (all being yelled).... What's for dinner?"

There is a child psychologist/author that lives locally and talked to the parents at my kids HS to explain that this bahavior can all be explained by the recent understandings in the physiological development of teens.

He says that recent brain scans have disproven the notion that a child's brain is fully developed in the early teens. In fact the front lobe (don't remember the name) which is repsonsible for impulse control, among other things, is not fully developed until the early twenties. So it is not a surprise that with the raging hormonal changes happening in the early teens, the impulse control is not there, and we get this confusing behavior.

He also said that the reaction of boys and girls are different. Boys will tend to go off to their room and stew over their hatred for you there, while girls will stand and fight.

With 1 teenage girl (almost 17) and two teenage boys (15 and 13), I can tell you this seems to be right on.

Btw, you did nothing to embarrass him. Your existence was enough.

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: Kids and the age 11? Attitude? Geez....

I think Kenny hit the nail.. When my daughter hit 12 we thought about an exorcism. But wait.. It got better (read worse). She is now 17 and I believe we have learned to coexist in some way.

It is not unusual to have the following exchange.. " I hate you, you suck, I hate you (all being yelled).... What's for dinner?"

There is a child psychologist/author that lives locally and talked to the parents at my kids HS to explain that this bahavior can all be explained by the recent understandings in the physiological development of teens.

He says that recent brain scans have disproven the notion that a child's brain is fully developed in the early teens. In fact the front lobe (don't remember the name) which is repsonsible for impulse control, among other things, is not fully developed until the early twenties. So it is not a surprise that with the raging hormonal changes happening in the early teens, the impulse control is not there, and we get this confusing behavior.

He also said that the reaction of boys and girls are different. Boys will tend to go off to their room and stew over their hatred for you there, while girls will stand and fight.

With 1 teenage girl (almost 17) and two teenage boys (15 and 13), I can tell you this seems to be right on.

Btw, you did nothing to embarrass him. Your existence was enough.

You don't have much longer to go. It's great when it stops !!!!

 

[DaNinja]

Re: Kids and the age 11? Attitude? Geez....

And this is the age group that my wife is looking to teach.
This should make for a fun second career.

 

[kei9th]

Re: Kids and the age 11? Attitude? Geez....

ezbtr, let me first start out with sounds like you are a great father. i have a great father now also, but i wouldnt say that when i was in my teens to early twenties. i am going to be 30 this year. i dont make financial or life decisions unless i speak with my father first. all of the crap he gave me and those stupid boring lectures and books he made me read yes they sucked but i am grateful now. my dad is the smartest person i know and his advice is priceless, ( and usually spot on). i only wish i would have listened to him sooner. i have a two year old that already dosent like me, but i guess its cause i dont coddle like mommy. just remember one day your advice will be invaluable, and your son wont be able to wait to take the old man out for a beer.

 

[ezbtr]

Re: Kids and the age 11? Attitude? Geez....

well we had a busy day which helped things out, baseball field cleanup which was 3 hours of painting for me(but I really like this stuff!), a quick lunch, and back to feilds for 2 hours of practice, got home and i had a beer, and we pitched and threw for another two hours, (we love baseball) and he really came around, talked more and i told him, his choice will be mine first . He knows Im fed up with any smartass remarks, and I never mince words.....ahem....
And now we have his best bud/like my "second son" overnight, they wanted and I aint cookin/ Chinese food, so they both emptied dishwasher and loaded before I ordered.
I know how to handle kids, was just kinda venting. No disrespect is ever allowed. We alos had a good, brief talk............... his answer to popping off was "Geez dad, i know you work hard, etc.... ..." and get this......"I dont try to say stuff/act like that, but it just comes out"
Is a stage........... been here done this......
Oh crap, my right arm is aching from all the pitching! and after diner is jacuzzi time.........they will really be tired after that!!!! His buddy had 2 soccer games heehee, then I get to watch my movie when they crash!
P.S. We have baseball games and or practices for 6 days in a row.......Exhausting your kids is great, they dont have the energy to whine!

 

[Mark_VTfisherman]

Re: Kids and the age 11? Attitude? Geez....

Answer when asked. Be there, but don't hover. Compliment in private. Instruct when needed- one on one. Be yourself- don't try to be a teen. Have high expectations laid out in advance; praise one-on-one when he succeeds, but don't criticize or correct when he fails- just love him and tell him you are proud of his effort, but that you want HIM to talk about it later with you- a post-game evaluation of sorts. Let him set and achieve his own goals, and teach him failure is not permanent. Because he will fail and we live in a world that wants everyone to be a winner, but there is usually only one winner; failure with good effort can be dissapointing, but it's not a grade-stamp.

He's probably a pretty normal kid. I lead a youth group that has a bunch of guys and gals jr high to 12th grade. Every kid is different, but our culture puts way too much unacheivable expectation on teens these days, and too little on realizable goals- like the school gearing up one of the seniors for college- but he can't pass the entrance exams.