Step dad dying :( trying to talk to him as much as possible to cheer up

ezbtr · Mar 3, 2014

Update - Passed away 11:30 last p.m.

He has had an esophageal tumor for 4 ish years was benign, didnt want the surgery, came back cancerous months back now spread to liver, in a hospice/assisted living home, cranky as hell, 78 yrs old, 6' 2" and down to 140, boy it's hard to get him to say something positive, "nurse, food, tv, all stinks" just wants to go back to his nice double wide mobile home and call it done I think. Geez we never did our wild boar hunt, my brother and I will, loves his guns doesnt have strength to go out and shoot, maybe clean them, glad my kids and i saw him last 2 summers down south when he was healthier

We all and docs guessin he has 2 -6 months left if no weight gain/improvement, they all live 450 miles south of me, tough for me to travel right now

My son , daughter and i with him, and he a proud Army vet etc, such a damn shame.......

DayCruiser · Mar 4, 2014

Re: Step dad dying

trying to talk to him as much as possible to cheer up

I know grieving the loss of a loved one is very painful. We selfishly want people to live forever. There is another way to look at this. Your step dad has lived a long life and it looks like he doesn't want to go through Surgery and the horrible side effects of chemo. I think people should have the right to die anytime they want to. Why should we make people live for our own gratification? I think it is crazy that suicide is illegal or that assisted suicide is illegal. An adult should be able to decide for themselves if they want Surgery that would save their lives or to take life saving drugs. I have seen people go through the devastating effects of chemo and spend their life savings only to die. Loved ones sacrificed years of their life taking care of the terminally ill. Pain and suffering and then death. Just because some have a Strong animal instinct to survive doesn't mean that everyone wants to survive at all cost. Sure we will miss and grieve a life cut short but I think quality is much better than quantity.
Some people are just not interested in becoming a senior citizen. Many live risky lifestyles and die young ie John Belushi, Elvis for examples

aspeck · Mar 4, 2014

Re: Step dad dying

trying to talk to him as much as possible to cheer up

Day cruiser brought up a controversial topic, and the potential for political debate. We will not go there, or this thread will be highly edited. This thread is about ezbtr and his stepdad, let's keep it that way. Now, back on topic ...

EZ, sorry to hear this. I know it is difficult. You, your family, and your stepdad will be in my prayers.

DayCruiser · Mar 4, 2014

Re: Step dad dying

trying to talk to him as much as possible to cheer up

Oh no I wasn't trying to steer this toward politics. I was trying to steer the family away from being mad at the step dad for not doing all he could do(in their opinion) to save his own life. Or they may harbor guilt feelings for not being able to do something for him or make him do something. This could prolong and complicate the grief process. Maybe would help in their grief process if they understand the dads thought process. Just speculating on how he may feel. You can't and nor should you try and make an adult do anything they don't want to do. His life and the way he chose to live it and end it is not their responsibility IMO
Seemed to be some anger and resentment in his post

southkogs · Mar 4, 2014

Re: Step dad dying

trying to talk to him as much as possible to cheer up

Sorry EZ. That's hard to go through. Will be praying for y'all.

bigdee · Mar 4, 2014

Re: Step dad dying

trying to talk to him as much as possible to cheer up

Sorry EZ. Been there. It is hard but hang in there....what is hard today will be cherished memories later.

Boathooked · Mar 4, 2014

Re: Step dad dying

trying to talk to him as much as possible to cheer up

Sorry EZ, may his final days be filled with love and joy, and may you and your family have your days filled with his presence.

ezbtr · Mar 4, 2014

Re: Step dad dying

trying to talk to him as much as possible to cheer up

Oh we're all just a bit frustrated he didnt have the surgery few years back before it became cancerous, but whats done is done and yeah we'll just try to comfort him as much as possible.............

DayCruiser · Mar 5, 2014

Re: Step dad dying

trying to talk to him as much as possible to cheer up

..............................

tazrig · Mar 5, 2014

Re: Step dad dying

trying to talk to him as much as possible to cheer up

I have dealt quite a bit with Hospice and the dying. If possible, if there is any way to get him home (before his time comes) it always makes for a more peaceful passing being in your own home surrounded by familiar things and loved ones. I don't know what your personal situation is or how and if Hospice would even cover him at home in your state (they do here in MA). I'm just saying if you have the resources to do it. That sounds like what he wants. I'm sure you're doing the best you can (the angels can do no more) I'm just throwing in my .02... Either way it sounds like you helped him live when he was younger and now you are helping him to die with dignity. Those are the 2 most important things any human being can do for another.

kenmyfam · Mar 5, 2014

Re: Step dad dying

trying to talk to him as much as possible to cheer up

Thoughts and prayers to you all.

avenger79 · Mar 5, 2014

Re: Step dad dying

trying to talk to him as much as possible to cheer up

EZ sorry to hear about,

I have been going through exactly the same thing the last few months. stepdad who is only 59 yrs old has aggressive lung cancer that has spread through his body. gave him 4 months....6 months ago. went through chemo and radiation and now they say it is in remission. for a bit anyway.

I agree with Taz, get him out of Hospice if you can. let him do what he wants on his terms.

colbyt · Mar 5, 2014

Re: Step dad dying

trying to talk to him as much as possible to cheer up

EZ, if he is comfortable with the choices made all you can do is support him in his choices.

I would try to see him get home but if your state offers it I would keep the Hospice home services involved. They will come to see him and make any drug procurement much easier. Here they also offer a small stipend for home health care during the process.

Thoughts and prayers.

Bullrider · Mar 5, 2014

Re: Step dad dying

trying to talk to him as much as possible to cheer up

You might want to Google MMS and cancer/tumors. Chlorine dioxide in proper doses wipes out cancer and several hundreds of maladies. The FDA is finally recognizing it.

thumpar · Mar 5, 2014

Re: Step dad dying

trying to talk to him as much as possible to cheer up

Sorry to hear EZ. Things like this are why I don't like getting older. The ones that have been in our lives are older too and pass on. The only thing you can really hope for in a situation like this is that they are not in pain. I wish the best to you and your family.

ezbtr · Mar 5, 2014

Re: Step dad dying

trying to talk to him as much as possible to cheer up

We're looking into what it takes to get him to his place, but found that dbl wide mobile home doors too narrow for a wheel chair, he has very little money left, dont know what kind of assistance is avail yet. He want using the feeding tube right, doesnt listen, lost weight, but has had small portions of real food, docs said he would have had a lot better chance if the surgery, but yeah, who knows? Thanks bunches guys

ehenry · Mar 5, 2014

Re: Step dad dying

trying to talk to him as much as possible to cheer up

EZ, so sorry to hear about your stepdad. Prayers and thoughts to you, your family and your stepdad's caregivers.

kfa4303 · Mar 5, 2014

Re: Step dad dying

trying to talk to him as much as possible to cheer up

Even if he won't admit, I bet he loves every moment he can spend with his family, even if he seems grumpy. The one thing nobody can buy is time, so make it count. It's ok for him to be in a bad mood. He's dying. Nothing wrong with any of y'all being sad about that. He's going through all the same stages of grief that we all do (denial, grief, anger, bargaining, acceptance). He's only human, as are we all. I've been fortunate enough to work with various Hospice organizations over the years and they're amazing people who can be a tremendous source of strength in times of need. Fair winds.....

ezbtr · Mar 8, 2014

Re: Step dad dying

trying to talk to him as much as possible to cheer up

called his cell 2nite like 10 mins ago, mom answered, her n my daughter jst leavin hospital, sayin he isnt gonna make it thru the night, oh boy do I wanna just CUSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F**K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! waiting on phone call in 30 or so mins, already gettin teary kinda

Fun Times · Mar 9, 2014

Re: Step dad dying

trying to talk to him as much as possible to cheer up

So sorry to hear about step dad's health, he will be in our thoughts and prayers. Hang in there ezbtr, stay strong.

Step dad dying :( trying to talk to him as much as possible to cheer up

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