Post Your Jokes Here

[aspeck]

The story says NOTHING about hair color ... you can make your own inferences, but if you are around MY wife and make those inferences, well, you are ON YOUR OWN!

 

[WIMUSKY]

That's ok, my wife is blonde too......

 

[GA_Boater]

Oh my, the Bickersons showed up. :lol:

 

[RGrew176]

I get the best blond jokes from my blond haired daughter. She does not seem to have a problem with them.

 

[avenger79]

The story says NOTHING about hair color ... you can make your own inferences, but if you are around MY wife and make those inferences, well, you are ON YOUR OWN!

you and Musky are funny. we're all in the same group, our wives are gray until they go with whatever color they choose. LOL

 

[SeaDooSam]

Love these jokes Rgrew. I've read almost all of them. Gotten some good laughs!

 

[gm280]

Why did you all go to straight to women with of the "Blonde Joke" issue?

It could easily be a male.

.....okay....who am I kidding...

 

[Starcraft5834]

Dumb Blonde Joke:

Two blonde's at a small lake, one standing on the shore line and the other standing on the opposite side of the lake on the shoreline.. One blonde yells across.. "hey, how do I get the the other side"!!, the other blonde yells back.. "you already are on the other side"!!...

 

[SeaDooSam]

Dumb Blonde Joke:

Two blonde's at a small lake, one standing on the shore line and the other standing on the opposite side of the lake on the shoreline.. One blonde yells across.. "hey, how do I get the the other side"!!, the other blonde yells back.. "you already are on the other side"!!...

LOL

 

[RGrew176]

A major speaker for the annual auto dealers convention was visiting the rest room just before he was to speak to the 10,000 members. He was asked, "Are you our special speaker?"

"Yes, I sure am and I am excited to be here," he replied.

"Are you nervous?"

"No, I'm never nervous before I give a big speech."

"If you are not nervous, then what are you doing in the ladies room?"

 

[RGrew176]

Cousin It was getting tired of being just the hired hand around the Addams family household. The family had moved to the feudal nation of Armenia and It decided to run for feudal lord. While not quite a democracy, elections were still the path to choosing the next leader who would exercise power and authority over the nation.

With Gomez, Morticia and Festus fiercely campaigning for their beloved candidate, election day arrived. The precincts opened, ballots were cast, and the votes were counted. The polls had showed a close contest between the four candidates running, but when the final tally was announced, Cousin It had received the most votes.

With all the Addams family and his supporters cheering him on, Cousin It was beside himself as he approached the podium.

"I won! I won!" It screamed. "Bring me the wine. I'm serving!"

With glass raised, Gomez shouted, "When IT reigns, IT pours!"

 

[RGrew176]

I was checking out at the busy super market, and the cashier was having problems. The register ran out of paper, the scanner malfunctioned, and finally the cashier spilled a handful of coins. When she totaled my order, it came to exactly $22.

Trying to soothe her nerves, I said, "That's a nice round figure."

Still frazzled, she glared at me and said, "You're no bean pole yourself."

 

[RGrew176]

The conductor of the Detroit Symphony Orchestra was having an issue with the percussion section. During rehearsals, it seems they were having a major problem keeping the proper beat, and the conductor was getting madder by the moment.

"Uh oh," one of the drummers remarked. "I think he's ready to blow."

"You're right," said the cymbal player. "It looks like we're in for a real tempo tantrum!"

 

[RGrew176]

My three hundred plus pound of a grandfather loves to do karaoke. One night he was really into some heavy metal rock and roll song, even doing an air guitar routine.

Well, after he was done a young fellow came up to him and said, "You are a hip old dude!"

My grandfather snapped back, "Who you callin' a hippo - dude?!?!"

 

[RGrew176]

A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.

When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."

"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

 

[RGrew176]

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "Just do it!"

 

[RGrew176]

Ron and John were building a house. John was on a ladder, nailing. He'd reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over his shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood.

Ron couldn't stand it any longer and yelled, "Why are you throwing some of the nails away?"

John explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me, I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it."

Ron replied, "What's wrong with you? Don't throw away the nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house."

 

[RGrew176]

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could out-do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, one older worker had had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

 

[RGrew176]

My mom has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were driving through Georgia. Hoping to get off with a warning, mom tried to appear shocked when he walked up to the car.

"I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the officer.

"What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot the tires out?"

 

[RGrew176]

During a 50th anniversary wedding celebration, the husband was asked to give a brief account of the benefits achieved from being married for so long.

He stood up, thought for a long moment, then said, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness, and...." he paused.

"And?" someone cried out from the back of the room.

"... and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single!"